I haven't blogged in a very long time because school has sucked all of my energy. Report cards, report card conferences, lesson plans and trying to have a life inbetween. And right now I'm venting. I'm in such a funk right now.
This little piece makes so much sense to me (from craigslist)
"How is it that summer vacation is nearly here and you are going to be out of my life for good? Being your teacher has been so hard. You have cursed me out, called one of the girl's moms a "fat slut," given me the middle finger, beat up J (he switched classes because of you), told me your mom was going to punch me in the face, threatened to take down a huge floor to ceiling pipe and hit us all with it, refused to do all of your math (and writing and reading and art),made the music teacher say "if he is in my class again I will quit", almost made Ms. D quit because she would rather quit than be your para, stole my special marble behavior improvement system, stole my money, kicked P in the back, tried to hit your para with a door, called out the correct spelling of each word as I called it out for the spelling test (jerk), sharpened your pencil during read aloud with the express purpose of stabbing the kids, talked about all of the kids mothers and fathers, and, as they told me, you talked about their "whole families," made F a bully for a few months, made W a bully (he is NOT your cousin, I checked), you wrote in crayon on the chalkboard and you put crayons in the heater, which was smelly. And your mom, who called J a pussy and threatened to make a really nice teacher lose her job, and never asked for your report card.....You just suck, it could have been a great school year but you ruined it. You are a bully, and you don't deserve a free education. All of the kids are glad you left but when I see you in the hall I shudder to think what kind of person you will grow up to be. I can't believe you are only eight years old"
I want to quit. I want to make a post to postsecret but then I would feel guilty about it. I've got administrators that come up to me and tell me I can't have my kids line up in the hallway before I leave the classroom because THEY can't be quiet. Dude, they aren't quiet when I stand next to them in the hallway. They are rude, accusatory, disrespectful, and have such egos that I am required to stroke even with massive failures. How is this going to prepare them for a chance in the real world? And these are the poor urban minority kids, I'm fairly sure the rich kids would not be much different. I do what I can to help them, to see how cool science can be even if they aren't going to use it - I don't care about that - I just want them to admire or appreciate the nifty ways the body works, or how science is all around them. I want them to try.
If I quit am I letting them down or me down? I'm a good teacher. I know that. I know my material and put a load of energy and time (in and out of school) into my work. And what do I get? Mostly rolled eyes, shoulder shrugs and mentions of "thingies" and "yea whatevers". My grandfather was a really bad kid who turned out to be an awesome person - I need a device to see what will happen to these kids 25 or 50 years from now. Einstein didn't do so hot in school. What will they thin
On the other hand, there are days when I get kids come up and give me a hug after a lesson or a day (it's rare but it happens). There are some kids I can laugh with. Some kids that have nonstop excellent questions. And then you see things like this, that just make my heart soar:
this or this
On a more positive note, Dan and hosted a really nice thanksgiving dinner at our house for both sides of the family, and had a great reunion with highschool friends and celebrated our one year anniversary! There is plenty in my life to be thankful for as I am blessed. Work is just a big drag right now.